What do you mean-

IT'S LIFE.

It's not what you have always wanted but it has to be enough.

Because you never asked for anything more than you think you deserve. You sigh. You realize now that you have never thought you deserve better or more or anything like something you feel you want. If that's not saying something you don't know what is.

You're sick. You're alone. But you're ok. You have to be.


I wonder if I should be depressed or relieved that not many people are reading this. Laughs. I should really stop being so indecisive and 'be awesome instead'. Barney's word. I find that guy inspiring and a little bit crazy. Crazy awesome sometimes. He's ok. 

I found a wonderful graphic artist named Dan Matutina. He's awesome. His works are so good and inspiring my hands are itching to make something of my own too.

Side note: People who have set perspectives are difficult to persuade. Really. I'm just sayin'. Just consider being kind and talking for a change.

I'd follow my dreams if I had wings and I could fly. But I could glide well enough and I have to content myself in craning my neck up to the sky I'd never reach.

Tell me how much more

Under the clouds, life seems safe and normal but really, it's just the eye of the storm.

Haven't slept last night again. Panda eyes and some Dean Winchester banner thingies are the result. Here it is:

....
We were more than this world's got to offer.

We were more than the words of our fathers.

And everything inside screams for a second chance.

...

We were meant to live for so much more.

WE are who be believe to be. But more than once we shake the very foundations of our essence when we act unlike ourselves - and then persuade yourself how much it was really YOU. That is injustice to yourself and most of the times you just spread the hurt around.

If you can change, change for the best. If you're being assaulted by various contradicting opinions and advices you can do well to listen to yourself while being practical. Common sense is free, you see. So, that was very fun. But I have to go do stuff now. 

Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done.

Tragic it seems, to be alone again

Guruguruguru*


Will you, walk me
To the edge again
Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me

Insomnia, great, that's just what I need. Had a creepy dream. Woke up to Linkin Park and Adema's Giving In.

Take me under
(I'm killing all the pain)
I'm dying tonight
(i'm sick of all this pain)
Watch me crumble

You get the idea. Basically it's just weird stuff.

So, a toast to the world. Cause I'm taking it. My life I mean. Raise a glass and down a shot. You feel you can take the world but of course you can. May you make it your own. You know what you want and social constructs are the fences you have to jump over. Otherwise, it'll keep you imprisoned in your own little world, collecting frustrations and insecurities like a hobby. Destroy yourself to fit the world or take life and make your own.

There are some pretty questionable life questions that I want to ask right now. Like if Romney and Obama agrees to most of what the other says in implementing policies, in leaderships and such - what's the difference in voting between them then? 

How unfair it is for Filipino candidates engaged in early campaigning are just exercising their "freedom of expression" while it's been approved in a bill that posting opinions on the internet against these persons may be grounds for "libel"?

How do people without fandom live their lives? Oh, wait, because they actually have one.

When will Supernatural end? I need my life back now please.

When monsters die they end up in Purgatory but where do they go when they are kiled in Purgatory?

Why haven't I put Xcode in my Dash again?

What's the use of being a Time Lord when there's such things as Time Locks?



I'm not self-studying on coding and graphic designing because of the job. I'm doing it because I love it. Because it's something I'm actually a bit good at. 

"What are you talking about? 

I'm a a joy to be around."

-Dean Winchester

"Yeah? The dirty socks in the sink? 

Your food in the fridge?"

-Sam Winchester

"I like it."

-Jerk

"It's not food anymore, Dean!

It's Darwinism!"

- Bitch

Evil is evil in itself. But people who believe that they are doing the right thing are more dangerous than people who knows that what they might be doing is wrong. Because, in the quest to succeed people with the right intentions might resort to all means necessary and they won't stop because they think they are doing this not for something like a greater good. Like they're sacrificing. But people who may consider the wrongfulness of their action are aware that they might be mistaken and stop. 

So I ask, which is better - the person who are doing evil, bad things but doesn't stop because they think they are good and what they are doing is right or the person who knows that what they are doing is wrong, feels guilty about it, acknowledges the need to make up for it but still continues to do it?

Or maybe I should have asked which one is worse.

Now I realize - the depth of the influence of social media in one's life is directly related to his or her popularity. The more popular you are the less time you have to be in the social media sites but you are being talked about in on them. But people with less social life hence a handful number of close friends hence lesser popularity will be on these sites and most of the time talking about the popular people more than the time the popular people have to read all of them posts.

I'm just saying the key to successful and happy life is to take the opportunities given to you and treat events in your life as blessings or turn them into advantages. 

*Am prone to making weird noises when bored to death or  scare to death

Nothing's really ever pure now

THIS IS TORTURE. there's so many people laughing and now i'm crying.

There are cricket noise in my ears maybe that's why I can't hear. The sounds last night was just the wind, I'm sure. And I need to sleep more, apparently. 

This is Jared Padalecki. A digital drawing of Jared Padalecki.
 Uhm, I hope he looks like Jared Padalecki.  

Things that had happened since...since life made it impossible(really) to blog:

[> Anti-Cyber Crime Law, 15 petitions against it and the eventual TRO

[> Supernatural Season 8. I am a fan.

[> My beautiful graphics tablet named, TARDIS.

[> Graduation of people who are Survivors of Life. Way to go! =)

[> Repainted my room. Supposed to be shades of brown, but idk, it seems like i'm colorblind.

[> new life purpose. -_~





Alright. So, this is it. Another post posted. Look at that drawing. There's gonna be more of that stuff. Life. These are the things that make me smile: sunshine, supernatural fanfictions, drawing, coding, reading books, annoying my siblings(you know i love you guys) and being a total geek.

What makes you smile?

Also this: "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. "
-Confucius

saw your angel wings, don't you miss the sky?

Next time I'll be braver

I'll be my own savior

When the thunder calls for me

I never really needed anybody. Never really thought I needed to ask for help. Never really thought that what I'm doing might not be enough.

I was so wrong.

Anyway, here's my new wallpaper. Oh, Photoshop how I missed you!

1280 x 800. Used the image of Dean Winchester in Faith, Episode 12, Season 1.

"I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."

Quote from The Battle of Evermore by Led Zepplin.

Huntre's the name of my laptop.

Yep, I name the things I own. Not because they have personality but because they get angry when I call them Baby.

I'm feeling my way again in Photoshop. I'm relearning again. I wanna stay up all night but sleeplessness makes me act like a 5-year old kid with an ADHD on a sugar high.

The mosquitos they like me. They like me so much they're kissing my feet. (reality: me = mosquito dinner)

I have wanted to be a graphic designer/animator since when I was old enough to read that article on Animation on our big old encyclopedia. I really can't see myself happy and efficient in any other career or job other than relating to computers and graphic designing. But I maybe it's just me and my computer addiction.

My life feels like a dream. And like all dreams they end when you wake up. I feel like I'm waking up, to this realizations that has been seeking my attention for years. I'm facing up to them, to this, really. I have no excuses.

Graphika Manila, I'll see you next year. Bad timing.

                                                         

Now darling, you're born, get old and die here

Well that's quite enough for me,

We'll find our own way home somehow.

"Stop boring me and THINK, it's the new sexy."

Boring Cases. Blogs. Banter. The Woman. The Camera Phone. The Pulse. and Goodbye Mister Holmes.

"...Love is a dangerous disadvantage."*

-Sherlock, A Scandal in Belgravia

After the tense and almost amusing stand-off between Sherlock and Moriarty, Moriarty walks away talking on his cellphone and then after we see blood red painted nails. Irene Adler.

Funny thing is Sherlock has his own website but people are reading Watson's blog. 1895 hits. People are interested in Sherlock's life and detective works not all of the 243 kinds of tobacco ash.

Mycroft: This is a matter of national importance, grow up!
Sherlock: Get out of my sheet!
Mycroft: Or what?
Sherlock: Or I'll just walk away.
Mycroft: I'll let you.


Their banter was fun and natural. Reminds me of Sam and Dean in the early seasons of Supernatural. Digressing. Ok, fun stuff now. Sherlock in his priest get-up. Sherlock and Watson fighting on the streets. John's outraged "I was a soldier. I killed people!" and Sherlocks "You're a doctor!" and finally "I had bad days!" Being relegated to the side Watson was almost funny. Also Hamish, is a very good baby name John, thanks. Don't make jokes Molly. I feel sorry for Molly, Sherlock's so naive sometimes at least she got a kiss and Sherlock apologized! 

It was enlightening to see Sherlock defend Mrs. Hudsons against Mycroft. And then his anger against Mrs. Hudson's attacker which led him to make the man "fall" over the window. Repeatedly.

What has impressed me greatly about this episode is that Sherlock has feelings. Irene Adler was effective in showing the man in Sherlock. That he is normal and he makes mistakes. It was a tragic love affair they have. Sherlock composing music that's what helps him think. Going out the morgue Sherlock, sees a family mourning and wonders out loud, "They care so much. You wonder if there's something wrong with us." There was this great speech by Mycroft "...caring is not an advantage," and then Sherlock's walking away saying Merry Christmas and Mycroft replying and a Happy New Year. Somehow they make exchanging Holiday greetings feel sad.

I AM SHERLOCKED

Somehow this doesn't feel like a game. It isn't. 

The last message Irene sent to Sherlock, "Goodbye, Mr. Holmes".

Or is it?

The door it's not locked (knob's broken)

Supernatural's Season 7 Episode 20 - "The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tatoo" was so awesome, so inspirational that I named my Yelling Robot (an app that displays a cute robot annoying you) as Charlie Bradbury! 

"Nothing's unbreakable."

Supernatural's Season 7 Episode 11 - "Adventures in Babysitting" was awesome too! It had Dean and fist bumps and though it was a dweeby thing to do, I can be a dweeb anytime if it means I can fist bump with Dean!! Ok, so much for that, staying calm thing. So even though some had said that the girl, Krissy, had been a Mary Sue and the episode was one big 'ol sister fic for me it was a great episode. Dean and Frank's scenes were funny and then sad and then funny again when you think about all those nicknames he gave to Dean. My Littel Lamb, really? And the "I'll take the first shift." then Dean konking out immediately. Seriously, the fist bumps. A bit cliche but the end almost gutted me. The government should put a warning on Jensen Ackles acting or something because it's dangerous for my mental and emotional health. 

"You're a dweeb."

Aaaaand.

This post was way overdue. Still, yeah, no time like the present, right? Or as some of the cool kids like to say, YOLO!

Supernatural is no on it's 8th Season!! Hope this one would be better. Start's on October and Jensen Ackles is directing the third episode. It would be very exciting to know what had happened to Dean in Purgatory. I really hope they would flesh out the characters and plot this time rather than glaze over it like they had unfortunately done with Season 4.

Well, I am a fan. I would watch the show even if it would be just them bloopers. Really. 

This infuriating thing called...

SLEEP.

I never have enough. But who does?

The world is telling me to wake up when I haven't had a wink. Oh alright maybe I had, a bit. I am still tired though. *sneer* Rantings! Again?? ok, someday this would contain stuff that is actually useful..ya know stuff like, free downloads of my own original work.

And what work would that be, you ask? That would be...wait for it... awesome!

Which would probably contain cats, the color pink and glitter. Lots of glitter. Lots and lots of them.

...hmm..I don't know, I feel like writing status updates in my own vernacular language, is it wrong?

 Well, except if I'm replying to someone who doesn't know, Karay-a in FB and Twitter will go on!

#notfeelingstupid #sosleepy #itsraining #ilovebooks #imrambling #whatsthisforagain?

Inducing Creativity

GRAPHIKA MANILA

is the annual multimedia and design event in the Philippines. This event has been garnering the attendance of professionals and student alike since it's conception in 2006.

In it's 7th year, the speakers include PSYOP, GMUNK, DROGA5, HYDRO74, JP CUISON, JEROME AUSTRIA and CREATE.PH. 

It will be held on August 11 and the registration starts at 9am while the event itself will start at 10am and end at 6pm. The venue is SMX Convention Center - Mall of Asia Complex, Pasay, Metro Manila.

Apparently due to many request the early bird promo for the tickets had been extended up until tomorrow Tuesday - July 17. The early bird price for students are Php 1,550.00 and for those who are not students or are professionals it is Php 1,750.00. The regular price is Php 1, 750 for students and Php 1,950 for those who are not.

Each purchase of the ticket includes an admission to the whole day conference, a conference kit and an e-certificate of attendance.

I believe this would be a very awesome event. Wish I could come.

For further inquiries please visit their website:
Graphika Manila 2012

Thank you for reading and a video from the Manila Design Week 2010 for you:

"WE CONSUME DESIGN EVERY DAY"

Eat well.

...this things makes us sentimental, inside

This is not the end, this is not the beginning

Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision

Just another beginning to an end. We walk through this life knowing of our mortality yet most live everyday as if they would never die. There's a song that is singing in the back of your head, you realize it's your thoughts speaking to you in whether you listen to it or not. But when you do, you will not acknowledge the fact sometimes deliberately denying it. And when you don't, you will remember and you will regret. You fear the voice as much as you long to hear it whispering nothings.

But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm

Though the words sound steady something empty's within them

The road is not devoid of turns and twists. There is something howling further in the way, you must not seem afraid. Chaotic, that is what they sound like when they offer you whatever they do. You move and dodge yet you do not sway. To them dictators they feed off a yes like it's a contract to your soul. You hear yourself speaking and you smile because sometimes you can make yourself care to know what you mean. 

We say yeah with fists flying up in the air

Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there

I dreamt of the sea and underneath it a mermaid swimming alone like a washed up doll thrown overboard by a spoiled rich kid. I try to reach out for her but even though she's only in front of me I never reached her. She had flaming tresses whipping up and dancing about in the water like fire being blown by the wind and its framing her face like a veil as if to hide from the sorrows that managed to reach the depths of the ocean. Because even when you can see your hands, you know they are empty and you fear that they forever will be.

Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear

Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear

There are times I wish I wouldn't fall asleep. But when I open my eyes to find the world still existing, I find myself wondering what it would be like if I never woke up. . .

-italicized phrases are from Waiting for the End to fall by Linkin Park

-title is from Tuung's Bullets

Where Fiction is more Canon than My Life

SAM:
You know, I went after her, Dean. Maybe that's what's bugging you -- that I'm moving on with my life. I mean, you took care of me, and that's great. But I don't need you anymore.

When you live under the unforgiving society like an umbrella from the debris and the filth and the dirt, you exist. Safe. But when you have nothing to die for, you are not living - not really. It's when you wake up in the morning and you have something to look up to, something to do, something to anticipate whether it be anticipating joy or anticipating fear, at least it's something. Better than nothing that most people have.

However when you have one thing, one thing in your life since you were a child everything is focused. As if every breath you take has a sole reason, a purpose as if you are worth nothing without being that person who does - the job. It is an awfully terriffying yet rewarding life if you do have that. And Dean does, he really does and he's awesome at it - being a big brother. After 30 years of being a Winchester, 40 years down the pit, its breathing down your neck, your life is and whether you like it or not, you must stop.


TUMBLR: A place where people loves taking notes, where you receive death threats if you don't stay on it, where people are nice to you that you never knew that they were actually being mean (or vice versa)
I love tumblr

Gonna finish my papers and my research no matter what it takes.

Last Ever Lone Gunman

This heart break is never ending
It's like it never happened
A fall from grace is close
Why not speed it up?



There was never enough of it, even when I first started. Time, that is.

2nd Verse

And when I buy, I buy things with a Product of the Philippines tag or at least one without a Made in China.

Listening to Leona Lewis croon Run and when she says ' i'll be right beside you...' I hear Dean instead of dear.

Playing inside my head however is Adele's Someone like you, repeatedly playing inside my head.

The second verse hits me like a Supernatural Pilot theme song.

A beautiful lie by 30 seconds to mars is screaming at me.

everyone's a comedian but me.

but, would you rather be here?

In all this years, these last weeks at college are the sloowest.

Like a needle falling through zero-gravity to drop in a middle of a stack of hay. The most important things are the most difficult. Like graduating and stuff. Like giving up and perseverance. So wrong to believe in what your mind and not listen to what you do. The difference in what I was doing before and to what I am achieving know is that I listen and I believe and I do. There is no forgiveness for wasting your own time. It's your own. You do have to realize that reality is subjective but life is always objective. 'S like a background music, life is. You, yourself should provide the running commentary, the script, the voice singing loud an clear - your life should contain your reality and your decisions and your happiness. There is never a life wasted in doing what you wanted. It may hurt people, yes? But unless it involves immorality and illegality, everything we do must be done, now.

/when love was raw and young, believed that we can changed ourselves/

fallen by sarah mcclaughlin

Nothing more to write right now. Many things to do by today and tomorrow.

The Beautiful Lie (or Not)

The Dream I had, it felt so real
When I woke up, i thought i was dreaming




I told you, SLEEP and ME? We have a love-hate, on-off and really rocky relationship.

My playlist is screaming Metallica one second and then crooning some Hush Sound the next. Headphones in each ear, it's really escape. Escape from distractions - as i would likely tell anyone who'd ask...or Escape from reality - this is what emo people do, and emo i am not. Well, not anymore, i guess. Let's see, Locked Up from Ingrid Michaelson is my favorite song right the f now.

But for Dean, it's THAT's OKAY by The Hush Sound. Okay, here's how it goes...

You were a child who was made of glass.

You carried a black heart passed down from your dad.

You want to go back to where you felt safe,

To hear your brother's laughter,

See your mother's face.

Your childhood home is just powder-white bones

And you'll never find your way back.

--spn again, lol, just can't resist

I think the PolSci people can be the major reason of deforestation and global warming...what with all the printing of papers and the hotheatedness of the people in the world nowadays.

This is a 'wild world' as cat stevens says and 'it's hard to get by just upon a smile'. So couple that smile with hard work. Just like how Sam and Dean does it. No matter what shit life throws at them, they get up, stand, fight and move along. They don't just miraculously solve hunts and cases just by being them - they research, they interview witness, they do recon, they had a lifetime of training put to good use and their lives are difficult, but they survive. Broken but alive nonetheless.

I won't let my 'normal' life be a waste now that i know people sacrificed to work hard for this life. No, 'm not talking about Sam n Dean. 'M talking about those everyday-- you know, the jeepney driver, trisikad driver, waitress, teacher, paper-pusher in some office, moms and dads...you know the people you rely on without which you'd have a life you'd never want.

I know, how lucky i am. I would like to express my appreciation.

move it or lose it, pal.

The stairs smell, and not in the funny way. Thanks, cats.

At least, back home, the slipper-napping dogs can be pretty much told to approximate a domesticated conduct.

I had no sleep, 4 cups of coffee, an unlimited internet surfing for one day and would have to pass the result of this sleepless night at 8 o'clock then an exam at 2'3o afternoon.

It's nothing really, it's just...do i really have to?

I really do don't i.

Awesome.

Good one, tumblr. No thanks to you, I've only barely made it.