BURN. Fire Burn

God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfoght
It can't be outdone
It can't out matched
It can't be outrun

And here I thought we were through.

When I close my eyes, ask me what I see. I see everything there is to see, only there's something black covering it. Well, anyways, again...here I am.

I'm listening to Slipknot's Vermillion pt.2 Here, listen to it to...



Yeah, I heard this from my playlist long, long ago, when I was just a highschooler and i was kinda...you know, a teenager. Or something. Yeah, I was weird then and I'd like to thing I'm weirder now. I talk a lot to myself now, I sing a lot more songs now, I read (not a lot) but boring sleep-inducing polsci handouts now and it's a great miracle that I haven't committed suicide yet. I think now that Im *cough* eighteen *cough* I should be more mature, right? right? riiight.

But making an analytical meta of Vermillion pt. 2 in relation to Supernatural's Winchester is being mature right? right? riiight.

VERMILLION (part 2)_ SLIPKNOT

She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame.
This is for John Winchester, the father - the husband, who lost his wife in that dreadful hell fire. I would like to think that this refers to John's dreams of Mary, the Mary in his mind being as beautiful as that fateful night, remembering almost all the minutae details about it, to Mary's clohes and her hair and the fire. But it's the rebuke that echoes in John's sense. Maybe Mary talks to him or maybe she just looks at him, either way the life that the Winchester Family lives now - as hunters - are really a cause for Mary's sadness. Mary wouldn't want this for her sons, for her husband, for her family.


All the torments and the pain,
leak through and covered me.
During, before and we all know there is no after in John's life as a hunter and as a father and as an avenging widow. It speaks for himself, his scars and his sons, of the pain he feels and everything that has happened.

I'd do anything to have her to myself,
just to have her for myself.
'Killing that demon comes before everything.' John once told Sam. But he was wrong, he should know, because family comes before everything. This was what he knows when there was Mary, this was what he taught Dean when there wasn't a Mary anymore, and this was what Dean told Sam - not through words maybe but through actions that defy any explanations but the reason that 'family comes before everything'. John became so obsessed at getting revenge for Mary that he lost sight of the most important thing: his family.


Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad.
Before the red haze of revenge clouding John's eyes, all he does and all he ever thinks is hunt, The Hunt. And that isn't right. But it's lost to him now.


She is everything to me, the unrequited dream,
the song that no one sings, the unattainable.
This one's for Dean, for the Mary that Dean remembers and loves. The mother that Sam never had and the wife that John is wallowing in, Dean's Mary is something that holds him to the ground and gives him strength. To be strong for himself, to be strong for his family and to be strong for everyone.
'I think about it everyday.' Dean Winchester, S1, Ep3


She's a myth that I have to believe in,
all I need to make it real is one more reason.
This one's for Sam, because he never had Mary, never felt a mother's love, and hugs and kiss and tasted a sandwich made by his mother. So in justifying the life they are living, why Dad is so obsessed in hunting, why Dean just follows everything Dad says, why Sam has to endure everything...Sam needs Mary as a reason too, but it's hard because Sam never knew her, never seen her, never had her. So he left and searched for his own Mary.

I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad.

The Winchesters don't know what to do.


But I won't let this build up inside of me,
They can't let this sadness die.

I won't let this build up inside of me,
John won't let his sadness swallow him, so he hunts.

I won't let this build up inside of me,
Dean won't let his father be bury himself literally by this hunt, so he stays for his family.

I won't let this build up inside of me.
Sam can't let himself be lost in this family that lives for a memory, so he leaves for a Mary.


A catch in my throat,
Remember when Dean was 4 and he didn't speak for a year?

Choke,
Remember when Sam got his letter from Stanford?

Torn into pieces,
Remember the day when John stopped answering his phone and left Sam and Dean with coordinates and never an answer?

I won't,
no,
I don't want to be this,

They didn't want to be. But they were. And now, nothing can stop them, no demons, no angels, no death, no god, and not even themselves.

But I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me.
Pause. Play. Repeat. Rewind. Fast Forward.
No matter what song they sing, it's still the same, right Dean van Halen? Change the present, Change the future, but you can't really change the past.

She isn't real,
I can't make her real.
She isn't real,
I can't make her real.
They can't make her alive, even when they killed the Demon - Mary's murder...it's revenge right? But is it worth it? Is it worth it? Are their FUBAR lives worth the freakin bullet to the head of that freakin yellow-eyed-demon? Mary, maybe she can answer that.


Yeah, Im a bit obsessed too. But it's a good obsession. kinda