Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Zombie Days

I want to say that my happiness does not depend on other people. I know what my happiness is (most of the time) and PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Would you people just let me be happy!

I don't want people to like me. I don't need people to hate me. I don't need people to do anything except not to do something that i don't like. In short don't please intervene with my own businesses. When I don't like something I really don't like it. When I say I hate cockroaches...I hate them to the point of killing one on site, preferably killing it slowly, violently and painfully. Now, when I say I don't like my fly-away hair, I really don't like it to the point that I will forget that I have a hair like that and imagine myself bald as I walk the street.

I really don't like it. I really don't like it. I really don't like it.

Everytime it comes in view, my heart palpitates with annoyance and anger in split nanosecond before I remember that I am bald (i wish).

And to someone out there who knows, please don't brush my hair in fly-away style. PLEASE!!! Really really please. I'd rather you punch and stab me rather than have my flyaway hair be brushed to be more fly awayier. Please don't do that.

Anyways, I wrote my Fb Page on this Blog as a Visual Artist. I don't want to say that I am not a writer, we all write. But I only consider myself as a Visual Artist more rather than Writer.

Whereas, I want to have my say that in this room full of nursing majors that i once found advantageous, I feel like im being driven to a corner where 'idiots sit here' are spray-painted.

People of the Philippines who are my classmates, I want to say that inside my room, the nursing major are face on books night and day and even on sleep. I mean that they read, they make reviewer, they DISCUSS what they study and they get good grades. Sometimes, they cry when they get 1.5 or 1.75, claiming it too low.

Can you people get it? Compare it to our glorious Course of Political Science and Public Administration? We all know what happens, is happening, had happened...and i don't have to elaborate it here. ew.

So, I had wanted for sometime now to study...seriously study. I joined the CAS COUNCIL precisely because it is full of work and activities and events. I want to be busy. Being bored and unpreocuppied is painful and bad for my physical as well as mental health. When I have lots of work to do, I do it much better and much faster. That's what I know. But other people just won't believe me in this, when im the one who knows the best cause it's my own self we are talking about here.

Whenever I don't sleep at night, I really don't want to sleep because of a reason, and that reason is valid enough, important enough to warrant me not sleeping. I just don't like having people talk to me about it like it's a crime for me to do that. And then force me to eating menudo and rice when I don't want to eat. Ehem Ehem.

The only thing that bugs me the most aside from my happiness being hampered is regretting something that I didn't do that I wished I had. There are many many things I wished I had done for this and that and I can't now. It's all in the past. So I - we just have to accept the past and do everything in our power to have a better future.

I'm just gonna end it here with some wacko love confession from ch. 81 of Ouran Highcshool Host Club.

I love you.
*SHOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!
Sorry I didn't hear you, what did you say?
NO! that was nothing important.
Did you just say you love me?
Wait, if you really heard it...
WAH~~! HIKARU!!! Haruhi is saying that she loves me what should I do!!!!
Don't scream another person's name when someone confesses their love to you!
Confession?...*dies*
I'm sorry, just forget it, I didn't mean to kill you.
WAIT! Me...Me Too!
...'me too? are you just saying you love yourself, too?
under these circumstances, why am i supposed to act like a narcissist? don't you love me?
i didn't say i love, i just said that maybe i could love you.
why are you lying so blatantly?
BECAUSE YOU'RE A BIG IDIOT! ...that's why i don't know if i love you anymore...

Monday, July 5, 2010

For Hope and Those Without

My scars are scabbing and they are annoyingly itchy.

It's so fun to be evil and so sad to be one at the same time.


I have to say, last night I just had a Revelation. I missed almost one week and counting of school that I tried to remember what is it I miss about it. School, you know. I thought about it and remembered, the most I thought about of school is studying. Well, that'll be normal, but then of course everyday I go to school the most dillema I - fashion wise - is the big question of: WHAT WILL I DO WHEN MY SHOES ARE UNTIED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD? and that's about it.

The mental path of one as silly as me, from missing school to fashion disasters. I could hardly call it that, cause personally, I feel it's not what normal teenagers would nominate as fashion disasters. Really, I see them, at school, everyday, those people who wears make up, wears high heels, hairs done you'd think it was saloned. I don't particularly hate them. It's just their 'way of life' is ---difficult. For me, that is. And especially if people force me to it. I still get nightmares from that *doll shoes* event.

After that rant, I'm really glad to say that I'm getting well soon. Very soon. I'm listening to My Chemical Romanance, Linkin Park, and various other J-rock/J-pop. My mood is lifting up. I also read the Defense Devil newest chapter, LOL, is it really surprising that the two main character's Fight to the Death was a battle of Rock-Paper-Scissors???

O, btw, the title refers to my friend, yeah, that one. She's awfully stubborn and annoyingly cute. We don't know what to do with her. She's impossible. She's the type to lecture everyone and then does everything the opposite of what she advices people. Hell, it's like when you talk to her your conversation goes round and round. In order for you to see her point and for her to see your point, blood must be shed, i think. I hope it doesn't lead to such violence, our conversations are fun and witty at the most but-it's just so hard when serious things are considered. It feels like falling in Alice's rabbit hole down, down down to Wonderland.

I once read something that goes like this: regrets are from expecting, but you can never have regrets when you are hoping.

Is it true?

Is it really?

This week, I did not go to school so that I will properly and completely be healed from chicken pox. (It's so that I can have more time for my chicken pox scars to heal and for my friends not to be infected also.) I also have TOO MUCH TIME in my hand and head that I surf the net all day long. With nobody around. With food stocks all in my reach. It feels so peaceful and heavenly, this is my type of environment.

But this week I dub the CALM BEFORE THE STORM.

Why? Because my increasingly paranoid instincts tell me that hell will fall down on me like angry Twilight fans. Next week is the schedule for most of my major subjects. All my handouts are at my dorm, i haven't got anything to study here. I also have to face the cas council and the special events I am co-handling without trainor and without members and without practice. I know I'm just being paranoid, but i can't help it! My academic persona is panicking while my lazy persona is rejoicing!

I can not give hope to those without, for I am also searching.