Everybody sure is a comedian.
Tailspinning. Never really knew the word until now. It's the columns of unread books and half-filled notes in a corner of your room. It's the random stuff pushed to the side on your cabinet-slash-table where you are typing this post. It's the echoes in your head of 'duty: in the morning' and 'duty: in the afternoon' hoping you never sleep so you can't be late. It's the paradox of feeling hungry and yet feeling nauseous at the same time. It's the promises, it's the responsibilities, it's the work that isn't really work that's getting me. It pulls me down, feels like I just discovered gravity.
On this OJT, god, in this ojt, I learned amazing things I wouldn't dream about. I learned how people are good, i learned how people are caring, i learned how people are. People are just people. And I also learned how to, as they say, roll with the punches. Because, really, you can't go on with life without suppressing your weakness and fighting against it. Because life. Life is not about you. It's not about how you avoid the pain you know will come. It's not about how you seek for the happiness you think will have. It's about living and fighting and being you AGAINST-and or-WITH people (-you love/-you hate/you don't care about) on a world that keeps trying to kill you.
I have a strange suspicion that the World is trying to kill us all. And we can't let it get to us.
Moving on, what I meant to say was - to maintain a balance between - this is important, ok - a midpoint between CARING and NOT CARING. Because caring too much for something will end in disappointment and frustration while totally not caring gets you this hollow feeling and a sense of worthlessness. I'm speaking from experience here kids.
This tailspinning thing is gonna get worse. I'm having aches in places I didn't even had an itch before. Aaand, before I got to a nonstop whining mode I just want to say that maybe, I'm just feeling this because It's the first time since ever that I had to work so hard. Yep. Probably. I figured that maybe I had some ridiculously good karma on one of my past life and no matter what I do here, something keeps fixing my life back. I hope I can help more actively and properly in maintaining the life that I am living or better yet the life that I should be living.
Epiphany on a jeepney is like getting high.
My music ranges from Metallica to Kelly Clarkson to Chopin. Seriously, it's Supernatural's fault. - - - - and here I thought i would have a no-Supernatural post. tsk.tsk.tsk. Glee? what's that? no. I'm not getting addicted to Glee. Nope. nah. Nuh-uh.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
For eighteen years of your life you never wanted more than this. Yet when you look back and think ahead you wished you wished for everything and anything. Not this, not the cast iron on your shoulder, the shackles on your feet, the blindfolds in your eyes, the nails in your head and certainly not this hole in your chest.
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